Vox

Just About Covers It

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Graph Jam is consistently cracking me up. They aren't all winners, though most are at least worthy of a chuckle - and some are brilliant.

Not saying this is one of the brilliant ones, it was just one of the fitting ones

A Message For D

Happy V-Day, Hotness

Up For Air

I have been mostly out of touch, blog-wise, for a few weeks. Not that anyone would notice...

Anyway, for the one or two of you that may care, it was all Christmas related, which for my family was last Saturday.

And a serious case of mission creep.

It all began with a decision that my mother would probably like a digital picture frame. She isn't very tech savvy, though, so I knew loading pics on would be a challenge for her. Easy enough, I'll load some on.

But I don't want her to have a frame full of nothing but my pictures (not that I have many) So, I sent an email to my siblings and asked for contributions. Only two responded to the email with digital images, but my sister tore apart her albums for shots I could scan.

So I scanned...and scanned...and scanned...

Then I thought about how, when someone looks at your photo album, you have to sit there and tell them who everyone is. Especially true with some of the kids in my family who look like they were sprung from the same mold, though years apart.

So, I figured I would label them. Easily done in a digital format. Of course, I can't just put the names on there in the same font for all of them; the typeface should match the image, the color should compliment. Oooh, I had forgotten how many fonts I have to choose from on my computer.

Then I noticed that there were a lot of red eyes, so I figured I would fix those. And a lot of the backgrounds were busy and distracting, so I figured I would fix those. And pimples. And bra straps. And spills. And.... I have Photoshop, should be a piece of cake. Sure, if you're not OCD. I was tinting and tweaking till my fingers ached.

Eventually, I realized that I could get more creative. After all, shots in portrait mode are just going to leave blank space - I might as well combine shots and/or embellish them. Heck, why not just do the whole digital scrapbook effect. I added backgrounds and photo corners and thumb tacks and patterns and multiples....

So..a couple hundred photos later, as I am loading them onto the SD card for her frame, I realize that people are probably going to want to see what I did with their pics. Crowding around a little frame didn't seem very practical, however, so I wanted to make something she could play on the TV.

At that point the project moved into Pinnacle Studio. Can't make a slideshow without music, though, so I have to dig through my collection to find a tune.

After all that work, I might as well share the files with everyone, right? I'll make everyone a CD with the files...oh, and why not make them all a slideshow, too? Each of them should be personalized, though, and with just the right music.

Did I mention that I come from a very large family.

Poor D was sooo patient and helpful, I was buried in this project for weeks.

I did finally get done (OK, mostly done, there are 3 more to finish) and the results were worth it. My family seems to appreciate the time investment. I imagine D is happy I'm not glued to my laptop anymore.

Perhaps I can even blog again :-)

Birthday Follow Up

I got several early birthday wishes, including a video greeting courtesy of Lori. Love, love, love it. I actually have the album (OK, cassette) with that song on it - no, not the Pretty In Pink soundtrack, Happy Birthday I love Clare Grogan and had to buy the album after watching her in Gregory's Girl.

The day was pretty uneventful, but the evening was awesome. D took me out for dinner; blue cheese crusted fillet, garlic mashed potatoes, steamed broccolli....yummy.

And the gifts - perfect!

Two CD's; Invincible (off my wish list) and Little Bit of Life (because he knows me so well he knew I would love it). Both are awesome.

I was pretty sure I would love the Invincible soundtrack as soon as I saw the movie - I was right. Great old tunes.

Craig Morgan was a sweet choice, having taken me to his concert, D knew I was a fan. Morgan is one of those performers that really seems to get what he is doing; he loves writing, he loves performing, he loves his fans... He is a joy to see in concert, and his music is really a soundtrack to a simple happy life.

He also got me two books:

Stumbling on Happiness was on my wish list, also. It was a really good choice, I was exactly in the mood for this fascinating book.

This isn't a "c'mon get happy" how-to, it is an exploration of how we process feelings. Particularly our memories and our predictions about the future. Why is it, for instance, that the things we expect to cause us the greatest grief most often don't, and the things we are convinced will lead to our ultimate joy are so often not right for us after all.

Our brains have a unique structure that allows us to mentally transport ourselves into future circumstances and then ask ourselves how it feels to be there. . . . Our ability to project ourselves forward in time and experience events before they happen enables us to learn from mistakes without making them and to evaluate actions without taking them. If nature has given us a greater gift, no one has named it. And yet, as impressive as it is, our ability to simulate future selves is by no means perfect. When we imagine future circumstances, we fill in details that won't really come to pass and leave out details that will. When we imagine future feeling, we find it impossible to ignore what we are feeling now and impossible to recognize how will will think about things that happen later.

The Sinatra Treasures was not on my wish list (mostly because I didn't know it existed) but, once again, he knows me well enough to pick a great gift. Such an amazingly great book. Stuffed to the gills with pictures and paraphernalia, this is more treasure chest than tome.

Just to top it off, when I told D how much my mother liked this book, he went out and bought a copy for her.

My mother outdid herself with the birthday flowers this year, choosing some stunningly beautiful purple orchids. Unfortunately, she tried 1-800-flowers, a choice she says she will never make again. I have to agree, their service was way below standard. It all got worked out in the end (5 days later) but the impression they left lingers on. Fortunately, so do the orchids :-D.

Thanks to everyone who made my birthday sweet, despite my sour anticipation. Another year, another dollar...or something like that.

I Feel Loved When...

Found this over at Chasing the Wind and thought I would give it a try. I have a couple of these books, they make a lot of sense.

I feel loved when...

The Five Love Languages
My Primary Love Languages are probably Physical Touch and Quality Time

My Detailed Results:
Physical Touch:	9
Quality Time:	9
Words of Affirmation:	5
Acts of Service:	4
Receiving Gifts:	2

About this quiz

Unhappiness in relationships is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. It can be helpful to know what language you speak and what language those around you speak.

Tag 3 people so they can find out what their love language is.

Take the Quiz!
Check out the Book

UPDATE: It is interesting that when I take this test thinking of non-romantic love, e.g. my mother, I get completely different answers. In the books he makes the point that our languages are established early, and consistent. I just have to be different.

Last Night

Thanks for last night, D. I know it seems silly, but that is just what I needed.

1/23/91

Angel ~ Sarah McLachlan

I am sorry. I know how to embed an MP3, but I don't know how to keep it from playing automatically. If one of you could give me the param & value, I would appreciate it. Thanks, Macker :-)

Poof, It's Like Magic!

Yesterday was my father's funeral up in Prescott. I was feeling sort of bad about not feeling bad. I kept telling myself that I should feel something, after all a man who contributed a large amount of my genetic make-up was dead. That ought to elicit some emotion, right?

Then they showed his memorial video, which featured some adorable pictures of him as a child (one that looked a lot like TCHOTP's youngest son) and the 25 years or so that he was with his second wife. Hmmm.

Conspicuously absent was ANY reference to the time he was married to my mother, and no pictures of his 6 children at all. None. It was like we had magically ceased to exist. I realized that my emotions, or lack thereof, were right on target for the situation.

Now, I can understand leaving me out, it is no secret that I had no love for the guy and his wife knew it. However, I have siblings who maintained a Christmas card and phone call relationship with him, and siblings who actually visited with him on a fairly regular basis. My brothers were very broken up about his passing. They, at the very least, should have been included in there somewhere.

I'm just saying.

Oh, if you are interested, you can see it here. You won't find out what I look like, since I'm nowhere to be found.

Here is a picture of the family back when he was still there. He would be right between my oldest brother and my mom, if I hadn't cut him out of the pic. I'm the littlest, being held by my big sister :-)

UPDATE: This post makes it sound as if I didn't grieve for the man at all. I did, in fact, grieve for my father, I just did it decades ago.

RIP

I found out on the way to work that my father died.

What sort of huge cosmic coincidence that I had just posted about it being Get Over It Day.

RIP, Baby Dog

I had to put my dog to sleep today. She wasn't a baby, she was 13, but that is one of the many names we called her. She was deaf from birth, so I don't think the name thing was very important to her.

When we first got her, and I took her to the vet, he said I should just put her to sleep. He claimed a dog with as many problems as she had would never make a good pet. He was certain that a dog that couldn't see or hear could never bond with her humans. He could not have been more wrong. She was so very sweet, and so very affectionate - just an absolute cuddle bug.

And, deaf and blind though she was, she was the best fetching dog I have ever had. She would chase that ball for hours - I guarantee you would have tired out long before her. Though it has been a while since she played that game, I still left the balls around the house. Every now and then she would pick one up, though she only dropped it and moved on.

She has been uncomfortable, at the least, and possibly even suffering for some time. I have felt bad about her condition, but was unable to make the tough decision to let her go. I just was so afraid that she still felt some joy in her life. The choice was pretty much made for me today.

I can not stress enough the quality of the staff at Apollo Animal Hospital at 51st & Peoria. They were so patient with me, and so sweet and gentle with her. I had the same impression of them when I had to have my other dog put down several years ago. It is a horrible thing to go through and the people who take you through it can make all the difference.

To my friends and family who may be getting ideas - I DO NOT NEED ANOTHER DOG.

I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER DOG.

I never want to go through this again, and you know I made the decision long ago that she would be my last. If you show up with a dog, it will be going right back with you.

NO. NO. NO.

I Almost Missed It

I had lost track of the date, but my sister reminded me :-)
Today is my "Divorce-iversary"
Two years ago I RadioBlogged it .

Guess November just ain't good for me.....

Old Friends, Good News

I had lunch today with my oldest friend, MB. I love her and how easy it is to catch up, the very best kind of friend in the world.

I got the scoop on her engagement - so romantic! He proposed over dessert (chocolate, of course) at The Tower Restaurant in Edinburgh. Sweet, like her :-)

She's amazing, he's lucky - I am blessed to have her as a friend.

What Does Vox Look Like?

I have been lurking at the ME blog lately, just enjoying all their creative scrapbook pages. They post 'challenges' such as Scrap A Confession or You (NOW and THEN) which require a self portrait.

This has lead me to face the fact that I have next to no pictures of myself from the last 10 years or so. I actively avoid all cameras (SG used to joke that it was like I was in the witness protection program). I can't really think of any specific reason; though I have never thought of myself as especially photogenic, I don't consider my visage especially frightening, either. Pretty standard girl-next-door.

I am the youngest of 6 kids, which means there are very few baby pictures of me. My oldest brother, being first, was photographed every week. By the time they got to me it was more likely, "yeah, she took her first steps - now she'll be getting into stuff" - lol. I can only think of two baby pictures; me crying in a little Santa sleeper, me crying/laughing/making a face with my first birthday cake in front of me - oh, and this one. There are all the standard school photos, a few from Christmas morning, and in my sibling's weddings. The thing is, I wasn't photo shy back then. What happened?

Now, even the shots that do get taken, I find a way to cover my face, either at the time or in post production. I've shown you guys a cartoon version of me, and even a Vox doll from the doll maker. (I'll even update it for you)

Then tonight, as I was washing the makeup off, I looked in the mirror and realized I actually do like my face. It's no supermodel face, but it's a nice face - scars, wrinkles and all. I like that I see my mother, and my sisters, and my grandmothers in my features. I like that as I get older it is familiar and comfortable. I like that it is still a friendly face, open and approachable. So, if I like my face, shouldn't I be fine putting it on film?

Am I now going to rush out to the nearest portrait studio? ......er...probably not. But it is interesting to note that I feel more comfortable in my skin at censored years old than I did when I was 10 or 20 years younger. Hopefully that's a healthy step.

Tales From The Road

I promised details from my trip quite a while ago. Sorry, I'll try and get it all down now....

The trip was to Laughlin, one of our favorite places to go - even though I am not much of a gambler (ok, I'm not a gambler at all, more on that later)

We left fairly early in the day, making for a nice leisurely drive and time for a long break at Luchia's in Wikieup. Peacocks, doves, chickens, and a koi pond make this quite an oasis in the middle of the desert. Leave it to my sweetie to remember to bring some old cereal and bread to feed them with, those were some happy critters. It turned out that they preferred the bread over anything else we had and would eat it right out of my hand. When we got down to the end of the bag, he gave me the last piece because he knows how much I enjoy feeding them. (I know - - "Awwwww")

When we got to Laughlin I found that he had arranged for a specific room, a gorgeous suite with a bubbler tub and an incredible view of the river. Sweet.

We got signed up for the poker tournament (it took some convincing to get me to buy in - but I did it), made reservations for the Prime Rib Room, and he set off for the blackjack tables. I went upstairs to try and get a bit freshened up before the tourney.

I ended up sitting next to Felicia Lee, a professional poker player whose blog I have read with interest in the past. That was pretty cool, but also a bit unnerving. It is a lot easier to relax into the game when you can convince yourself that the others at the table are just casual players like you. Knowing you are sitting next to a pro can rattle you.

I played very tight and got some breaks, so I made it through the first break with a decent stack o' chips. The first hand back, several of the players were still absent from the table. I looked down at my cards and saw aces - gorgeous. Guy a couple of seats to the right raises the $1600, lady next to him calls, I raise to $2500 (not sure about this amount, just what I grabbed). First guy calls, lady calls - pre-flop, no cards on the table. Dealer lays 'em out, A-5-5. Very pretty. I'm golden! Guy checks, lady checks, I go all in - I figure if they were betting or calling pre-flop they have either A-K or a high pair and I own them. I was actually hoping for A-K, because then their hand got better...just not good enough to beat me. (Can you see where this is going?) Guy folds, says, "hey, I was just trying to steal the blinds, I'm out". Lady calls.

I turn over my cards feeling pretty good. She turns over her cards and apologizes - because she has POCKET 5s. She has quads! I let out a groan that got everyone's attention. I couldn't be mad about it though (some people get really hot when they get a bad beat) because it was beautiful. She kept apologizing, I was just laughing. The only thing that gets me is that she called such a large bet pre-flop with 5s, very bizarre. Worked for her, though.

I went up to the room and relaxed, while my honey finished out the tourney. He ended up splitting the winnings three ways. He was the chip leader but is also pragmatic - had he played it out and won he'd have gotten $170 more, had he played it out and lost he'd have gotten $170 less. $510 seemed like a good take - and we were already late for our dinner reservations.

He tried to get me to gamble after dinner, and I had brought several hundred dollars with me so I could, but I couldn't. He said he'd sit with me at the blackjack table and help me, or that I could play the one dollar chips at the roulette wheel and $25 would last me a long time. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, I am too much of a wuss. Instead, I went up to the room and bathed (mmmm, bubbler tub) and read. And slept.

Saturday I walked up to the mall where I found nothing. Seriously, not even at the book store - how lame am I? Then we saw World Trade Center at the Riverside Theater.

Then the spoiling started continued (he's always spoiling me). He had me scheduled for a massage with Lisa (any of you who get away to Laughlin - 3T, Lori - you really have to treat yourself to an hour with Lisa at the Riverside Salon she is wonderful). I headed back to the room afterward and was greeted by the bubbler tub full of hot water and fragrant bubbles, surrounded by a plethora of scented candles. Next to the tub was a bottle of champagne on ice. He got me settled in and went to get the champagne flute from the fridge where it was chilling. (Yeah, I know - "Awwwww") I am SOOO spoiled - sigh.

Later, we had dinner at the Gourmet Room, something we never miss. The food, the service, the view.... Spectacular! Spoiled rotten, that's me.

He tried again to get me to gamble and I really thought I would...but, once again, I wimped out. He played and I went up to the room. I sat on the balcony reading and enjoying the view for a while, then finally went to bed.

Up and out on Sunday morning, what a great weekend!

A Family Way

Regular readers know that I have been trying to work out a vacation (the step-sister coming to work here didn't turn out to be the magic bullet I had hoped for, but that is another story).

One other thing holding me back is the thought of going alone. My sweetie is self-employed which, contrary to the fantasy, does not afford as much freedom as you would think and, since he works on various projects which often overlap and only occasionally leave a gap, makes it hard to plan a trip together.

Lori had mentioned the idea of a girl trip together, which may still be a possibility. Then today I got this email from my cousin:

I hear you and [my brother] got together for lunch recently. It got me thinking...

Do you have the "travel bug" like your mother? I'd really LOVE to start planning some international vacations, and was wondering if that was something you'd like to do with me. (Since I'm unattached and all.)

I'd like to take a Mediterranean cruise, and an African safari. (A few long weekend trips around the good ol' US would be fun, too.) What do you think? Does that sound like something you'd like to do? We could have some fun girlie-type vacations: shopping, sight-seeing, spa, acting like quite the tourists...

Give it some thought, or let me know if that's not appealing to you...

BTW: She's always reminded me of a really smart version of Helena Christensen.

Wedding Bells

Monkey On My Back

Old Town

I posted a while back about an old co-worker who was a friend of SG's, and was also friends with my favorite cousin. You might have missed it since it was part of the blog that my web host lost.

Anyway, she and I have been emailing and I mentioned I was gonna have lunch with my cousin, she told me to say hi for her. No problem.

Of course, once he and I got together we had to go over everything our families are doing (big families) and then started talking about what Phoenix was like back in the day. Legend City, Christown Mall, Wallace & Ladmo, the Wax Museum....

So, I had to call him after I got back to the office to say hi from her - I'm a dork.

B-Day Bounty

I got:

• A Basket of Daisies from my Mom. My favorite flowers from my favorite lady - she knows exactly how to make me smile.
• A completely flashy, oh-so-girlie, sparkley ring from my sister. It is a replica of one worn by Ginger Roger in a movie she did with Cary Grant. My sister knows me
• 200 rounds of Winchester ammo

OK, to be fair, my boyfriend got me the ammo and he also got me a bunch of other more girlie, personal things - but it is funnier if I got flowers, jewelry...and bullets. So, for the sake of this story, I am leaving the rest of it off My blog, my rules.

From Me To You

UPDATE: Thanks, Lori, for the cute b-day card.

Boom Boom Club

A few weeks ago, we took a day trip up to Prescott to visit this shop - now I am a gun owner (some might call it a canon).

The first range we took it to was Shooters World; conveniently close to work, air-conditioned indoor range. At $13 per hour (or portion thereof) it is a bit pricey, though. Also, though they may be watching through the windows, there aren't many employees on the firing line with the customers. If you need help or instruction you are on your own - though you may be able to get it in a class for a fee. It was a very humbling experience shooting at targets on a range, seeing how inaccurate I was at the various distances.

Yesterday we went to Ben Avery - what a difference. $5 gets you a whole day of shooting, or as much of it as you can take...we made it about 3 hours. There are an abundance of safety officers on the line, all quite friendly and open to questions. From that humbling experience at Shooters World, I was feeling pretty bad about my skills. I grabbed one of the range volunteers and told him I needed help - he gave me two tips and I hit just on the edge of the bullseye with my first shot. I emptied the whole clip in a 5-7 inch group. Wow - I was amazed :-) Now, that was sitting down and at a target 5 yards away. I didn't do quite as well standing up or at a longer distance, but I did SO MUCH better than I had been doing.
The boyfriend and his buddy had their hunting rifles, which one of the range workers sited in for them...quickly and for free.

A great way to, as Len says, "turn money into noise" - in my case just shy of 200 rounds and the range fee.....about $30 all together.

BTW: Forgot to mention that they carded me when I went to buy ammo. My birthday on Wednesday is decades away from the ammo buying threshold, so I thanked him profusely for making my day :-)

Oh, BTW

Out Of Character

I just about gave her a coronary by asking her to watch my pets this weekend. Why would the question cause her such alarm? Because that means I am actually making spontaneous plans (wait, can you actually make spontaneous plans?)

Anyway, I am going out of town based on a last minute decision - I never do that. (can I actually do something I never do?)

Whatever - back Sunday.

Yay her for feeding the critters!

UPDATE: I'm back, it was a great trip...more later.

R & R

I am long overdue for a vacation, LONG overdue. My boss (Mom) has been trying to get me to go but the timing and the coverage haven't been there. We had hired a new girl several months ago, but she just doesn't have enough going on upstairs to cover the office.

Now, however, my step-sister has joined us - though only part-time. She is one smart cookie, a quick learner, and quite type A. This may mean I can feel comfortable enough with the situation to leave. Yay!

So here's the deal, I am thinking of a week to ten days but I don't know where to go or what to do. Oh, and I am most likely going alone :-(

My ideas so far:

• A Spa - love the idea of a week to jump start my health with good food and exercise classes, with some personal pampering thrown in.
• Tampa - I used to live there (for 1 year) and I miss some stuff. I would love to have some of that great Cuban food (we've got nothing like it here, even at the Cuban restaurants), Busch Gardens has some great roller coasters (when I lived there I had a membership), the gulf coast beaches are lovely (never got the whole 'beach thing' until I saw those beauties) Maybe not so fun alone.
• San Francisco/Napa/Sonoma - I also lived there, and I know I love the area. Not sure I can make a whole week out of it, though, and not so fun alone.
• New York - I loved my last visit (though summer seems an uncomfortably humid time?) and I have a step-sister and a niece living there, so I could do some good visiting.
• A cruise somewhere warm and exotic - Bahamas, Cancun, Puerto Rico, Cozumel, Cayman Islands, Jamaica....?
• Austin - Never been, heard it's cool
• Somewhere else...? Any ideas?

You Look...

...awful. And pale.

That's what I have been hearing the last couple of days. I am tired, but I am hardly on my deathbed. Good to know that I look like I am, though.

[sigh]

I did come home from work on Monday and go into my room to talk to the bird, only have the phone wake me up hours later when SG called. Took me a minute to figure out where I was and who he was - freaky being out of it like that.

BTW: I originally wrote this post on my phone last night, then hit the wrong button and it went away. Guess I haven't quite mastered the interface yet.

Where'd They Go?

I generally get a couple hundred emails a day, 90% of it spam. The last few days though, I have gotten about 30-50 emails. I found this quite disconcerting and wondered what had happened. Had all the scum who send out that crap suddenly decided I was a dead end?

Then I remembered an email I received from my ISP last week, but didn't read. Going back to check it I found out that they were implementing a new, more advanced spam filter - and turning it on.

Sure enough, all that missing mail is on the server in a spam folder - which I still have to go through because, like spam filters since the dawn of time, their filter is imperfect and caught stuff I actually want. I can turn it off and continue to parse it in my inbox, or leave it on and parse it through the web interface. Grrrr!

You Gotta Have Friends

I have been reminded recently, by a couple of situations, of just what a private person (and a loner) I tend to be.

My sister has several groups of friends, whole herds of girls, she hangs with. She has groups of girlfriends in other states! She talks to many of her friends every day, sometimes more than once a day, and they talk for a long time. They get together as a group for dinner. They get together for chatting. They go on vacation together. She and I grew up together, yet this is completely foreign to me.

Rambling and TMI coming up, you've been warned...

I have very few close friends. I have had 2 girlfriends since childhood that I kept in touch with.
One, MB, has been my best friend since we were 6 years old - that's a long time people! Despite long breaks without much communication (she lived all over the country, and then in Japan, I lived in several states) every time we get back together it is like no time has passed. We have very little in common and yet the friendship works.

My other friend, JJ, and I were friends for 25 years - until very recently. I finally realized that she is just a toxic person. She was never there when I needed her, only if she needed me. She was rarely supportive of anything I wanted to do, and never approved of me being in any relationship (even going out of her way to try and sabotage a few of them) She could definitely be counted on to bring out the worst in me, and to encourage me to make bad decisions. Add to that her unending drama (OMG people!) and I just couldn't take it anymore.

I have a few other girlfriends, but no one I am especially close to. I have a couple of other longtime friends; DataDave (my old boss) and his wife, Broken, Ali.....goodness, is that it? People I enjoy but rarely speak to. I don't generally converse with my friends, even via email, more then once every couple of months - can't imagine talking every day. I have lost many friendships because I am pathetic at keeping in touch.

Now, being in a relationship, I find that I enjoy being with that one special person. I never feel crowded, yet I still maintain a very private side. I just don't open up all that much, mostly because I don't think it would be that interesting to anyone else. I have been more exposed here on this blog than I would have imagined myself being, and yet you all know it is mostly just superficial fluff.

Just rambling because I was struck by how guarded I remain, and I am not sure why, and how different I am from my sister. We came from a family of six, but she and I were the last two (yeah, I'm the baby) so we definitely grew up together - and yet we have next to nothing in common, especially when it comes to social styles. Odd.

Adoption/Abortion/Connection

SAJU recently posted about abortion (OK, it was only nominally about abortion, but that is what stuck out) - and, of course, drew conflicting comments. He made a point about assumed risk which is very close to the position I take.

I fully support a woman's right to choose not to get pregnant in the first place. It is very easy to avoid. Once you are pregnant, though, there are at least two other people involved.

His argument was relating to men suing to get out of child support because they had no choice whether or not the child was born. I definitely see his point, and in fact someone at Cafe Press had products that reflected that (can't find them or I would link it). They basically said, "Woman's choice: abortion, adoption, keep the baby. Man's choice: cash, check, prison" Too true - and in far too many cases the baby isn't even his (but I digress)

WARNING: Short story made long coming.

Some of the comments reminded me of a girl I knew in San Francisco, a friend of a friend. The first time we were going to get together turned out to be the day of the Rodney King verdict and I got stuck on the Bay Bridge trying to get to the city and the Opera House (we were going to see Swan Lake).

I finally made it to her place, which she shared with two roommates and her 4 year old son, Kiel. (Yeah, most people spell that Kyle) I was waiting it out there and sat with Kiel while she went to pick up her roommate who was out rioting with the rest of the hippies.

When she got back we chatted a bit and the conversation got around to her adorable son. Turns out the pregnancy was unplanned and she gave him up for adoption - then took him back after two weeks. As someone who has considered adoption, that was always one of my worst fears - finally believing I had my child only to have him or her taken away.

Then she told me that she got pregnant again two years later (apparently she didn't learn how that happens) and had an abortion - because she knew it would hurt too much to give the baby away.

How in the WORLD is it easier to kill your child than allow someone else to raise him? Especially in the days of open adoptions when you can be reassured on a regular basis that your decision was a good/kind/generous one.

Just crazy to me.

Indulgence

I treated myself today - a trip to a real salon.

For a long time, my neice was cutting my hair. She did a great job and I got very spoiled on visiting with her and her babies while she worked. Unfortunately, she has gotten busier and moved...great for her, bummer for me.

Last time I just went to a Great Clips. I didn't want anything fancy so I figured it would be safe.....wrong. I ended up with some sort of strange layer type section, about 3 inches shorter than the hair underneath. No rhyme or reason to it.

Today I decided I deserve a bit of pampering so I called up Regis on my way home and they got me right in. Sooooo nice. One of my favorite things has always been having my hair washed in a salon - love the scalp massage, mmmmmm.

And the smelly shampoo/conditioner. And all the extra junk they rub in to your mane so it gets all silky and shiny - I think my hair is redder than when I went in. Now I can't keep my hands out of my hair - mmmmm. Love that just from the salon feeling.

And I'm worth it.

This Day

Today is a bad day for me, as long time readers know. I have been mostly OK so far (and thanks for asking, I can't believe you remembered) - I did bug out of the office early. I may end up drinking too much tonight - or not at all.....

We'll see.

Fifteen years is a long time.....

Dreams

I have wanted to go to Greece for as long as I can remember (I've mentioned it here before) but it just never works out.

Today I am watching this and one of the girls gets to go stay with her grandparents for the summer in Santorini. Such GORGEOUS scenery - I'm sure it is a very touching movie but my tears are tears of longing.

Maybe Greece is my next goal....

Dietary Caution

Warning - TMI in the extended entry:

If you have Chicken Parmesana and a Coke for lunch, you probably shouldn't follow it up with chocolate milk.

On a positive note, I may have discovered a new formula for rocket fuel......

Still....

Fasting Unintentionally

I haven't been hungry in days. I mean completely and totally without the need or desire for food. I have made myself eat something every day, but I just don't want to.

I was just sitting here realizing that I've been up for hours and it is after noon, the last thing I had to eat was soup last night, the last thing before that was pasta the night before - and I have no hunger pangs at all. None. So the idea of making myself eat, even though I know I should, is just not appealing to me. The human body is strange.

It's Back

Old post about my addiction to cigarettes or something.....

Why I'm AWOL

= my day week

Where Do You Register For Anti-Versary Gifts?

Cause I need to find someway to capitalize on this?

Loser

  I am such a wuss, crying off and on over something I am missing out on this weekend - I really shouldn't be upset this way.

Or should I?

?????

I am such a loser sometimes

Lingering Side Effects

I already went the TMI route with this post.

At the risk of oversharing yet again...

...they are HUGE again - but they aren't going back to normal. As much as I love filling out my t-shirts, these things a freakin' heavy. And my bras don't fit. And it has been well over a week.

Enough already. Thanks for listening. ;-)

Which Laser To Choose

If I get a bonus this year (and so far it looks like I will) I want to put part of it towards a laser treatment. The question is, which one?

Lasik: I am near sighted, but not dangerously so. I rarely wear my glasses because I don't often need to see far away and they make it difficult to see up close. In fact, I end up with a headache and blurred vision when I take them off. It would be nice to be able to make out road signs earlier, and recognizing my friends when I walk into a restaurant would be stellar.

Hair Removal: I hate shaving. I mean, I really hate shaving. How great would it be to remove a couple of areas from my daily razor routine!?! The process takes several visits and can be a bit uncomfortable - but once it is complete, woo hoo! However, it seems like a silly way to spend my money considering all the other possibilities. Seriously, restored vision vs. no more razor burn....

Either one would be great. What would you do? I am mostly asking the ladies this one, but you guys can feel free to chime in if you want

Happy Birthday, Girl

I figure we've missed so many "get together for drinks" nights that I owe you a six-pack....here ya' go

Enjoy!

Hope you had a great day, Lori, and that this is your best year ever!

Fantastic

I don't even know if I can find the words to describe how great the past weekend was - even the memorial gathering for my grandmother.

I have a ton of work to get through, but I will try to post the whole story later.

Sad News

My Grandmother died early this morning. She was nearly 90 and had been battling Alzheimers for years. And she was amazing - I will try and write about her at a later time.

Bus Stop

This morning's bus stop game involved taking rocks from my yard and my neighbor's, and throwing them - at each other, at the house.... This involved running into and across the street without regard to any cars that might be driving by. I got dressed and went out to tell them to stop, but how is this my job?

These are not big kids, these are small fries. Little kids do stupid things like throw rocks at each other and run into the street when there is no adult there to stop them. It didn't help that the bus was late today so these kids had to amuse themselves for 45 minutes, again.

If one of them had gotten beaned in the head with a rock, would I be liable since they were in my yard? Or would it be my neighbor's responsibility since his rocks were the actual dangerous ones (mine are pretty tiny, his are big enough to do damage)? If one of these kids trips on his shoelaces and cracks his head open on my driveway, are the parents going to come after me? The parents that are nowhere to be found.

Seriously, people, it is a dangerous world - if you, or someone you trust, can't wait with your kids (remember, these are young children) at the bus stop, find another way to get them to school. Don't assume there will be an adult in the vicinity to handle your responsibility. Or perhaps you should assume there is an adult in the area - one you don't want near your child.

Screech, Screech...Thunk

So, I got smart last night after a couple of calls and shut the phone off at midnight - and just left it off. They can crank my voice mail all they want.

Unfortunately, the morning was still bad. The kiddlings decided to play tag - with my garage door as 'base'. So I was awoken by the sound of screaming, followed by the sound of little bodies throwing themselves at the door - screech, screech, thunk! Screech, squeal, thunk!

But I stopped 'em. I waited for someone to hit the base, and I hit my garage door opener. Just enough to make it shake and make noise. Just enough to scare 'em.

Just enough to make 'em stop.

Again, who leaves their child alone on a street corner?

ZZZzzzzzzzz

Soooo sleepy today.

It has been a while since I have gotten many crank phone calls (just the occasional hang up that can be written off as a possible wrong number) - unfortunately they started up again last night. Over and over and over.

I got my land line set up for anonymous call rejection, but these come in on my cell phone. I like to leave it on because I use the alarm feature. I finally had enough, though, around 1:30 a.m. and turned it off. I woke up at 4:00 and turned it back on, thinking they were probably done - nope 4:52 another call, so off it goes.

I didn't have to worry about the alarm, though - school is back in session. I had forgotten the joy of having the school bus stop directly in front of my house. The bus comes at around 7:45 - but for some reason I was graced with screaming children at 7:00. No adults, just 8 or 9 kids running around my yard and challenging each other for who can make the most noise. Who in the heck leaves little kids alone on a street corner, let alone for 45 minutes? Who do I talk to to get the bus stop freakin' moved?

Got More

Happy Birthday to Me

My Birthday

Your Birthdate: July 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October

Yay, Mom!

I love to get flowers delivered to me.

I love to get flowers delivered to me at the office even more.

I love to work on my birthday so I can get flowers delivered to me at the office for my birthday the most.

That is my mother's fault. She started it when I turned 14 (I think) and I was working for her at a professional tennis match (we used to have a team) - she had a bouquet delivered to me there in the stands. She said it was because she felt bad about me working that day, and she wanted me to know she appreciated it. That's my mom, she is the bestest ever.

Anyway, fast forward a few years to me almost always making sure I am at work on the 19th so I can get flowers. I have had some banner years, too. When I worked at the dot com, it actually became a contest. Since their go live date was July 19th the boss thought all the flowers showing up were for him. He did get a few (and some really extravagant ones) but I got the most - 9 bouquets. Quite the topic of speculation, too, since I got flowers from; my ex-husband, 2 ex-boyfriends (the white roses from him were spectacular), the ex-girlfriend of the guy I was dating at the time (even though he didn't send me any), my old boss...... There was nothing to read into it, they were all just people who knew how much the gesture meant to me.

Last year I was in California and still got flowers - SG tracked down the resort I was at and sent me a gorgeous bouquet (the only one I got that day), without even knowing just how very much it would brighten my day.

I was feeling a little blue today; my mom and one of my best friends are both out of town so I thought I would be doing without flowers. Luckily, Mom planned ahead and I just got a fabulous arrangement. Here it is, courtesy of my new camera phone (which is courtesy of Mom, step-dad and my sister)

Oh Yeah, It's My Birthday!

Curiouser and Curiouser

How can a person, say me, who usually gets a couple hundred emails a day, not get a single one in over 12 hours?

I sent myself a test email and it came through fine...but what happened to all the rest? I don't have a spam trapper on, my forwarders all appear to be intact....

Just wondering

Roller Coaster

I have a serious question for you all - Have any of you had a friend/loved one/family member who was manic-depressive (or do they call it borderline personality disorder now?), diagnosed or otherwise.

I have a friend who I really, truly love. Most of the time life is great, really great. "Everything is rosy, the sun is shining, nothing can bring me down" kind of great. This usually last a couple of weeks.

Then, out of the blue, things are dark, paranoid, bleak, hopeless. No warning, no trigger that I can find. Luckily, this period usually only last a couple of days.

This goes way beyond "mood swings" and I really think there might be a chemical imbalance involved. And, like I said, I love this person - deeply. I usually enjoy a roller coaster, but this is really hard on me. I want to be there for them but I just don't know how to deal with the drama and the darkness.

Any suggestions?

Walking the Walk

re: this post

I am amazed at the disparity of responses. My comments here have been kind, my emails and such not so much. Some of my most 'Christian' of acquaintances have had the least Christian replies for me. Rather than see it as an admission of one of several events that together shattered my faith and reaching out, as Michael did (thank you), they see it as an attack on their beliefs (I think) and attack back. Rather than offering the "love" that they have so often mentioned comes from God, they offer only vitriol and hate. Yep, that is what someone in pain needs. And that is a beautiful testament to your faith - way to witness guys.

Thanks

Whoa

Whoa - very morose. Friends shouldn't let friends blog drunk. Sorry for the major downer, you guys know I try not to do that.

I do think I will leave it there, though - in vino veritas, after all.

January 23, 1991

Those of you who believe in God would have a hard time convincing me, especially in light of the day and others like it in my life.