Vox

For Lori

Because you've mentioned that great feeling when a man wraps his arms around you, and every time I hear this song now I think of you.

Luke Bryan - "Country Man"

"Let me hold you little darling in my big strong arms
Can't get these kind of muscles anywhere but a farm"

Mmm, I got myself a "country man", and, oh baby the big strong arms!

So, Lori, have you considered learning to two-step?

Things Men Should Know

According to Esquire Magazine, there are 75 things that all men should be able to do.

I think they got some of them wrong, I know they got # 73 incorrect (or incomplete)

Based on their list, I would make a decent guy.

I still throw like a girl, though.

Fish Bicycles

Every Wednesday, Dennis Prager does his "Male/Female Hour" - generally a quite enlightening look at, and acceptance of, the differences between genders. Today the topic was "Settling" and his guest was Lori Gottlieb, author of the recent article Marry Him!

Some excerpts:

My advice is this: Settle! That's right. Don't worry about passion or intense connection. Don't nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling "Bravo!" in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go. Based on my observations, in fact, settling will probably make you happier in the long run, since many of those who marry with great expectations become more disillusioned with each passing year. (It's hard to maintain that level of zing when the conversation morphs into discussions about who's changing the diapers or balancing the checkbook.)

And no matter what women decide - settle or don't settle - there's a price to be paid, because there's always going to be regret. Unless you meet the man of your dreams (who, by the way, doesn't exist, precisely because you dreamed him up), there's going to be a downside to getting married, but a possibly more profound downside to holding out for someone better.

My friend Jennifer summed it up this way: "When I used to hear women complaining bitterly about their husbands, I'd think, 'How sad, they settled.' Now it's like, 'God, that would be nice.'"

I agree with a lot of her points, not so much with others.....

Ladies, what is your take? Gentlemen?

The Real Costs of Single Parenthood

Once again, Tony is right on:

No, it's moral backbone, and there's no program that will implant one where it is absent. And so the cycle is now in a self-fueling frenzy — boys grow up without men to guide them, and girls grow up desperate for male attention, and when they meet, a new crop of neglected children is produced

Couple of the Year

I love this - Joe & Laura, Couple of the Year.

While We're There...

Also at Infamy or Praise comes this tale of the "senior" set taking care of business.

R.I.P. - Robert Adler

It is a sad day for men the world over as they mourn the passing of Robert Adler, co-inventor of the remote control.

The article also mentions that he had just submitted another patent application (for advances in touch screen technology) on February 1. He was 93. Wow.

G'Day, Mate

According to Men's Health magazine, there are a few simple things you can do to stay on your mate's good side.

* When she fills out one of those quizzes in a women's magazine, read it.
* Send her a postcard -- even when you're home.
* Never agree with her mother when they're arguing.
* Let her pick the movie once in a while.
* Never bring up her weight.
* Have 2 bathrooms.
* Keep all her vital statistics on a card in your wallet -- birthday, anniversary, dress size, lingerie size, favorite flowers, etc.

Ladies (and gentlemen, too) what do you think?

Where'd He Go?

“If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children’ ---they leave skid marks.”

~ Rita Rudner

TMI to follow:

 
So, I went out of town overnight with my boy (and his son, and some of his friends) to celebrate his birthday. It was a last minute trip, but we always have fun there so I knew we would this time, as well. And we did.

However, people kept referring to him as my husband, as in, "her husband wanted..", "I wouldn't do that for my husband", "Your husband just...".

Uh oh.

It isn't that my mind wasn't sifting through the "where is this going?" questions already, (we have been together for quite a while) but that kind of thing just brings it all to the surface. Then, driving home, there were the love songs we were listening to (and the ones we were skipping over). So this morning, before I left for work, I asked the question. I told him how I was feeling. I kissed him goodbye and left. That was about 8:00.

Haven't heard from him since.

UPDATE: Thanks for all the kind thoughts, here and in email. I am trying to decide whether I got dumped...or just agreed with. I said something along the lines of, "I need X. If that isn't something you can do, you need to tell me". He said, "OK". I guess my mistake was thinking he would actually tell me if it was/wasn't. Seems he just decided to make it quick and non-verbal. Either way it ends up the same - me trying to find things to keep me busy so I don't think about it too much.

UPDATE 2: BTW, I didn't say all three of those Rita Rudner things - just the first one. Guess that was all it took, imagine how quickly he'd have disappeared if I had thrown in the second.

What Part of "No"....

Men are a strange breed.

I stopped at the post office on my way to the office. On my way in I get stopped by a guy getting signatures on a petition, I had already been approached on this one so I declined and went on in. On my way out, I was reading my new Shape magazine and, therefore, not paying any attention to him at all.

I opened my car door to climb in and I hear him behind me, "What would a guy have to do to find out more about you? I mean, I'm single, I'm a nice guy"

I say, because it is true and was suggested previously for just this situation, "I'm very flattered, but I'm not single"

He then decides to argue the point, "you're not wearing a ring"

"Well, I'm not married, but I am in a relationship - I am not available"

"How about lunch sometime?"

"Well, that would be wrong then, wouldn't it?"

"Sure, if you were married"

??????

"I'll treat, it'll be fun, you're a very good looking woman"

"Well, thank you for the compliment, it is flattering. However, I don't intend to cheat and I wouldn't go out with someone who would suggest it."

"If you change your mind, I'll be here all day"

Jiminy!

I am sure glad I didn't sign the petition, which would have given him access to personal data about me.

Note to SAJU, I would not recommend this method of approach should you encounter Ms. Kidd again.

BTW: I was, as per previous posts, very sloppy this morning. No make up, hair disheveled, 'comfy' clothes. I so don't get it with you guys.

Smoke On The WalMart

I decided to try my own advice and wear a ring during my workout today, so I tried to stop at WalMart on the way. Not a good day for WalMart shopping. Coincidentally, those are the two WalMarts where I most often shop. I wonder how long they will be closed.

So, K-Mart it is. Apparently, if you wear a size 7 or 8 you can have all the costume jewelry you want, if you wear a size 5 you are out of luck. Fortunately, the clerk was helpful and she dug through her back stock to find me a serviceable band. Size 6, but workable. Then I looked at the price - $65. Uh...no. I said, "really, this is just for the gym so I am only looking for some cheapy thing". Turns out the $65 ring was on sale for $15 (talk about overpriced) - still not as cheap as I would like but it'll do.

Off to the gym where I have NO problems, zero. This could be attributed to many things; might be the ring, might be the time I went (10 am), might be that word has spread that I am a b****, might be that no one found me the least bit appealing, or (using the JJ analogy theory hypothesis) I was actually looking good today, maybe there were no men there today..... Many possibilities but the outcome is the same, a peaceful workout. I ended up staying with it a bit longer today, just because I wasn't aggravated by the interruptions. Cool.

I do wish I could get my honey to join up so we could go together, I think it would be fun. Not that we even need to work out together when we are there, though I bet he could get me squared away on using the weights & machines correctly, but just going together would be nice. I'll keep working on him.

For now, I will wear the ring unless it stops working. It is small and simple enough to not bug me, so why not?

Say It Ain't So, Steve

I just couldn't handle it if this were true - one of my favorite athletes, the one who brought me back to Suns basketball, a low-down, dirty, cheating pig?!? No, No, No!!!

I am going to go with her denial for now ("110% not true")- 'cause I don't want to give up my team. Bad enough they lost the game last night, but to have the guy I thought brought a little stability and class to the team turn out to be just another adolescent with too much cash and too little impulse control would SUCK.

Maybe people are confused because his wife is a cute little Latina and they mistook her for Furtado? Maybe? Please?

UPDATE 6/6: Steve Nash has issued his denial, and says he only met Furtado once, with his wife, when she performed at his charity gig. I would link the denial if I could, but I can't find it online. I am going to believe him on this one.

Because I want to, and because I have no reason not to - all his other off court behavior (at least what I've heard about) seems to be above board and classy.

Strange Creatures

I will never figure you guys out. What in the world is it you find attractive in a woman. I get more attention when I am completely slobbed out than when I am slicked up.

Like tonight. I spent the day doing mostly unpleasant stuff; cleaning the pool, the bird cage, working out.... Then, with no shower, no make up, baggy clothes, I run to K-Mart. While I am looking at exercise equipment a guy comes up and starts asking me questions. I figure it is because maybe I look like I work out, being all sweaty and stinky and stuff.

I mean I REALLY looked like crap, people!

So then, as I am turning to leave, he asks if he can call me sometime for "coffee or whatever" What? He was hitting on me? If I would have thought that was even a remote possibility I would have left much sooner.

So now I am faced with how to give him the brush off.

• Brutally honest, "No, I'm really not interested at all."
  
• Honest, but milder, "I am already seeing someone."
  
• Wimpy, give him my number but never answer.
  
• Deceptive, give him a fake number.

Incidentally, when I got to my car and found him following behind me, I changed from option 2 to "Get away from me!"

Can someone please explain to me why I get hit on most when I look my worst?

Proof

"...nice thing about sports is that they prove men do have emotions and are not afraid to show them."

~ Jane O'Reilly

Been There, Done That

Glad I'm not doing it anymore

Lost Memories

I am a pack rat. I have papers & junk in my house from grade school - most of it completely expendable.

What I don't save, at least not on purpose, are the little things that are associated with happy memories. Ticket stubs, playbills.....

SG even suggested saving some at one point and I said, "no, I'm not really that kind of a saver" Bah! I really would like to look back at some of that stuff now. I even found some frames when we were shopping at WalMart the other day that would be perfect for displaying all the memorabilia. If I had it.

At least I have some blog posts about stuff, but even there I was lacking....

Movie Quote

I watched I Do, But I Don't yesterday - cheesy, made-for-Lifetime-TV movie. Basically a reworking of The Wedding Planner, but without J-Lo so it was instantly better. There were some funny lines in it, but for me the money quote was:

Sing It, Sister Snarky

Snarky lists her turn-on/offs when it comes to men - and I think she was reading my mind. Other than the dark hair thing; Vox likes 'em tall and handsome, but not necessarily dark. (Though I have had some notable dark haired crushes...)

I would add to the turn-ons:

• Kindness, compassion & generosity.
• Loyalty. A man who is there for his friends when they need him, not just when he needs them. MMMM - sexy.
  
• Kid-ability. A man who can make a baby giggle, especially one they don't know, has seriously got it going on.
  
• His friends - you can tell a lot about a person by the people they choose to keep close.
  

And to the turn-offs:

• Drinking, smoking...any habit that controls him.
  
• Drugs. Not just an addiction, but an illegal one. Blech.
  
• His friends - you can tell a lot about a person by the people they choose to keep close.
  

I sorta covered this before here and here.

And Netscape turns the tables - what you do that drives him nuts.

Does This Post Make Me Look Fat?

Oscar Madison has a thorough analysis of several possible directions one might go when confronted with the question "Do I Look Fat?"

It reminds me of when I was trying to teach my nephew how to navigate the treacherous waters of a girls questions. For instance, "Is that girl prettier than me?" Of course he thought the correct answer was "No" - they are so naive when they are young. He now knows the correct answer is "What girl?"

I personally have always found the very best course of action to be not asking these type of questions. My mother taught me long ago, don't ask the question if you don't want the answer. If I think I am fat, I am not going to ask someone to verify it for me, thanks. And, most fall into the "If you agree, my feelings will be hurt. If you disagree, I'll probably think you are just being nice so why even bother to make you go through the motions" category.

Unsolicited complements? I drink those in "like distant water on dry land".....

Oh, Man!

I am watching one of my stupid decorating shows - While You Were Out. They are redoing a room for a couple that met when he was one of the builders who built her house. He then bought a house that he was gutting and fixing up - for them. He redid the wood floors and brought her in to see, but he had the floors covered in rose petals.

Then he brushed the petals away from one of the thresholds where he had inlaid in beautiful script, "Will you marry me?"

WOW!

Such a grand and romantic proposal. So sweet that it will be part of their house.

It's guys like that who make it hard for the rest of the men in the world.

UPDATE: Apparently he also sang a song to her when he proposed, which they are incorporating into the room. Geez! Is this guy for real?

UPDATE: He just said the thing he was most looking forward to about being married was "just waking up next to her every morning" Aaaaaawwww.

Pick Up Lines

A) I have a friend, JJ, whose roommate has had three boyfriends in the last six months - who had just gotten out of prison. She asked me if I even knew anyone who had just gotten out of prison, or I knew where her roommate was meeting these guys. I said no to both questions.

B) Generally, when I am out and about, I tend to ignore random yelling and such around me. This is especially easy when I am in my car since I usually drive with the windows tightly shut.

The other night I was driving out to SG's place and heard someone screaming, "Hey! Hey!". I ignored it - cause that's what I do. But it continued. I finally had to look. There were two guys in the car next to me and when I turned the driver shouted, "I just got out of jail!"

Questions:
Was he just so happy that he was telling everyone? Was that a come on? If it was a come on, what about me or my car made him think that was the way to go?

At least I know where the roommate has been meeting her men.

Perception

I would appreciate it if my family (especially you, Mom) and readers who may be offended by nudity not click for the extended entry.

Thanks

Everybody else, click here.

If a girl is in the shower and the phone rings and she, knowing it is a boy she wants to talk to, answers it, turns off the water and steps out, and mentions that she is currently naked.

And wet.

And she hears what amounts to this.

So she glances in the mirror and mentions that there are droplets of water all over her naked body.

And he says, "I'll let you finish your shower then"

Is the honeymoon over?

Or can she chalk it up to him being home sick all day and cut herself some slack?

Good Enough

SG and I were watching The Rookie last night and he commented, "How could you be married to Denise Richards and not be satisfied?"

Which led to a list of famous women who were not enough for the men in their lives:

• Denise Richards
  
• Jennifer Aniston
  
• Halle Berry
  
• Elizabeth Hurley
  
• Angelina Jolie
  
• Rebecca Romjin?

Prince Charming

Confidence

As I headed out for my hike over the weekend, I stopped at a convenience store for some water.

One of the employees was outside stomping the trash into the dumpster. He looked to be in his mid to late 40's. Now, there is nothing wrong with being in your mid to late 40's, and there is nothing wrong with working at a convenience store - but if you reach middle age and you are still at an $8 an hour job, you might expect it to take some of the swagger out of a man. Nope.

Nor did the beer belly, cinched up by his belted shorts like a huge melon in a harness. Nor did his unkempt, dirty looking hair. As he walked past me and I glanced at him, he got that immediate "Oh, yeah - she likes what she sees" look.

My actual point: How is it that men are able to do that? How can they be entirely average or worse and think they are Mr America? Why do women not have that ability? How come a gorgeous girl, supermodel looks and/or body & dressed to the nines, will assume that if someone is looking at her, she must have something stuck in her teeth or a booger hangin' out her nose?

What gives??

Women's Desire

Netscape Mens has published 25 Things Women Wish Men Would Figure Out ~ most of them are pretty good.

I disagree with a few, though (of course)

For instance:

1. Saying "I love you" before, during or after sex doesn't count.
I think it counts, just doesn't feel as great as when you say it when we just woke up and have raptor breath.

14. If we don't feel loved, we'll start looking elsewhere.
I hope that isn't entirely true. I hope that, if we don't feel loved, we try to work it out - looking elsewhere solves nothing.

20. We've faked it
I so don't get this. Why would anyone fake it? If what he is doing isn't workin' for ya' - why would you want him to think it is? All that means is that the next time he is gonna do the same thing - 'cause it worked before. Then what are you going to do? Tell him it doesn't work for you, or fake it again? Bah! Just don't go down that road to start with!

23. If we're not having sex it's because: we feel fat; we don't feel very close to you, or we are punishing you for not doing something our way.
I also don't agree with withholding affection as punishment. I can see that if you were angry about something you might not feel close to your partner, but I can't see using sex as a weapon. Why spoil a good thing that way?

Is It Just Me?

You know how, when you are arguing with someone, you know you are right, and you know you have a good point, but the disagreement just keeps going on and on, spiraling and repeating....And your head is pounding, and your stomach is in knots....

Do you ever just say "OK" to try and make the pain stop? Or is that just me?

The Men Commandments

YaYa finds the funniest stuff.

I laugh because it seems so true, and there are so many - someone needs to come up with The woMen Commandments....

I Think Not

SG, I love ya' and I am flattered

But you are definitely smokin' something

Sad Again

But feeling frisky.

So, in honor of my twisted sense of humor, here is a new song for you, SG.

UPDATE: here are the lyrics, in case the humor is lost.

Well, That's it

Time for the cats.

Boys

A few nights ago I was shopping with SG & SG Jr.

While SG went to take care of a return, SG Jr and I hopped in line to pay. On the racks by the register were the usual tabloid mags, one of which was featuring "Celebs Without Makeup" (sort of like this) on the cover. SG Jr was saying how awful they all looked so I said, "well, that's a lesson you might as well learn now - when we women aren't made up we look pretty scary"

He responded with, "You're not wearing any make up and you look good" I pointed out that I was, in fact, wearing make up - but how sweet for him to say that. Yep, definitely a kid who takes after his dad. Smooth.

I was reminded of that this morning when I called SG and he said he and a friend were just talking about me. I asked what the specific subject was.

SG: "how you don't wear any makeup and you still look good"
Me: "I do too wear makeup"
SG: "well, not very much"

heh - smooth.....

and they both saw me without anything on my face when we took our Sedona trip so they know the real deal.

Sweet little compliments (just believable enough to work) one of the many things I love about those boys.

Republican Assets

Lisa told us that Chicks Dick, now we know why

The normally serious Cheney flashed a winning smile for Borkin, and Guldan snapped an attention-grabbing photo that would later be chosen for the front page of the paper’s September 11 Metro section.

Guldan got a call from a reader the next day. “Did you notice anything unusual about that picture?” the reader asked.

Upon closer inspection, it seems the vice president’s smile was not his biggest, ahem, asset. Is that what we think it is?

Got the pic below

I saw the picture first and tried to figure out if it was doctored - but according to the newspaper, that is the real deal.

Back Ups

What is it with people (OK, I am mostly talking about men here) who can't appreciate and go with a good thing when they have it? Why do they feel the need to keep other women waiting in the wings? Just in case? Keep them stringing along so that if your current relationship doesn't work out you won't have to deal with being alone for a week or two?

I've got news for you, all of you - your current relationship won't work if you aren't putting your whole self into it, and if you are keeping in touch with other women (for whatever reason) you aren't putting your whole self into it. Maybe you keep them on the line to prove you still have it, that women still want you. Maybe you keep them on the line so you will always have a soft place to fall. Maybe your current 'girlfriend' is the one you are stringing along till you get that other relationship worked out/back on track. Doesn't matter. You are going to lose a good thing 'cause you can't face flying without a net.

So, since I know you read this blog, I will tell you - I know your girlfriend. Keeping other chickens in the hen house leaves her frightened and off-balance. I don't know how much longer she is willing to put up with it. If you know what's good for you - and she is good for you - you'll decide to put your faith in that. You'll concentrate on making the most of a great connection, not making sure you've got some other ones to fall back on. That's the only way to make something pretty special into something wonderful and complete.

I'm just saying....

Why Do Women Like Men? II

A long time ago, in response to Dean's question, I wrote a post about what I like about men

I'd like to add:

• They are stronger than I am. They just are (or most of them are anyway) and it can be awe inspiring. Like when you need to move something heavy, and you struggle with it for days, and he comes over and carries it out with no more effort than it takes me to lift a small child. Then you get the double swoon - oooh, my hero & oooh, big and strong. mmmm.

BTW: I just went back and read some of the comments on Dean's original post and am amused by the number of chicks who said "the way they smell" - I did, too. Interesting that it seems such a universal trigger. Other very common answers; their rough hands, sense of humor/make me laugh, feeling protected/safe, being wrapped up in their arms...

It's a Guy Thing

If a guy doesn't believe you are really into him, how do you convince him that you are?

Good Advice

Funny article from MSN: 10 Tips to Being a Better Husband

for example:

The perfect husband understands that women often get confused by stuff that doesn't matter, as in the unwashed coffee cup that's been sitting in the sink for days. Few wives understand that it isn't that we see the coffee cup and elect not to rinse it, but rather that the neural link between our eyeballs and brains actually keeps us from seeing the cup. The gender biology of why we don't see the cup comes down to this: We have a lot of more important things on our minds. Will the Bills cover? Any chance of sex today? I think my biceps really are getting bigger. Our minds are cauldrons of profound thoughts. Any wonder we occasionally overlook some stray dishware?