November 13, 2006
Where'd He Go?
“If you never want to see a man again, say, ‘I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children’ ---they leave skid marks.”~ Rita Rudner
TMI to follow:
So, I went out of town overnight with my boy (and his son, and some of his friends) to celebrate his birthday. It was a last minute trip, but we always have fun there so I knew we would this time, as well. And we did.
However, people kept referring to him as my husband, as in, "her husband wanted..", "I wouldn't do that for my husband", "Your husband just...".
Uh oh.
It isn't that my mind wasn't sifting through the "where is this going?" questions already, (we have been together for quite a while) but that kind of thing just brings it all to the surface. Then, driving home, there were the love songs we were listening to (and the ones we were skipping over). So this morning, before I left for work, I asked the question. I told him how I was feeling. I kissed him goodbye and left. That was about 8:00.
Haven't heard from him since.
UPDATE: Thanks for all the kind thoughts, here and in email. I am trying to decide whether I got dumped...or just agreed with. I said something along the lines of, "I need X. If that isn't something you can do, you need to tell me". He said, "OK". I guess my mistake was thinking he would actually tell me if it was/wasn't. Seems he just decided to make it quick and non-verbal. Either way it ends up the same - me trying to find things to keep me busy so I don't think about it too much.
UPDATE 2: BTW, I didn't say all three of those Rita Rudner things - just the first one. Guess that was all it took, imagine how quickly he'd have disappeared if I had thrown in the second.
Posted by Vox at November 13, 2006 05:17 PM | MenWould you normally have heard from him by now?
Posted by: Special Agent Johnny Utah at November 13, 2006 06:51 PMWould normally have heard from him by 10, then several more times by now.
Yeah, he is definitely giving me his answer.
Posted by: Vox at November 13, 2006 07:01 PMVox,
My heart goes out to you as I have been there.... on both ends.
I won't speak for all men but if I didn't have somebody strong and who I respected to talk me through those times, I am not sure where I would be today. It's not easy
Keep your head up and I'll put in you in my prayers. If you need soemthing stronger, I'll buy you a drink
Posted by: Anonymous Mike at November 13, 2006 09:50 PMDo you really think so? Maybe he's just thinking. The last time I went through something like this, the woman took a few days to think about what I had said. Then she cut me loose, sending me into a drunken/depressive tailspin (you remember the posts). The point is, though, that I think it's hard for people to pivot so quickly on an issue of such import. I have to believe he's off thinking, talking with his buddies, brooding in his cave, etc. At least I hope that's what's going on.
Posted by: Special Agent Johnny Utah at November 13, 2006 10:24 PMBeen there! I hope he comes to his senses or you find somebody so much better.
Posted by: Karen of Scottsdale at November 13, 2006 10:43 PMI agree with SAJU - He is likely just thinking. Speaking as one, men are simple creatures that need time to process. Either way, it is good that you asked the question - Relationships get stagnant idling in neutral - Best to either shift to second or turn off the ignition.
Posted by: Woods at November 14, 2006 06:58 AMI was going to say the same thing in that he could just be thinking. After all, this is a real biggy. It might be a couple of days or even a week before you hear from him so give him the benefit of a doubt. You never know.... he could be shopping for a little something.
It's a fine wine. Let it breathe.
Posted by: Lori at November 14, 2006 08:59 PMNah, he isn't shopping for a little something.
And I am just trying to keeping breathing...and to not attack the Haagen Dazs
Posted by: Vox at November 14, 2006 09:17 PMYeah, booze is much better. Sonora has a wicked cask ale that I think they brew for just such occasions.
Posted by: Special Agent Johnny Utah at November 15, 2006 12:12 AMYummmmmmmmm Cask Ale, why did you have to tell me that SAJU, I have to be in Phx for Turkeyday. Sonora ain't that bad a drive from the folks.
Posted by: Thomas at November 15, 2006 09:45 AMJust be careful, Thomas. You could be drunk before you get to the bottom of your flagon. That's usually the way it works with me, anyway (which is why I drink it).
Posted by: Special Agent Johnny Utah at November 15, 2006 12:11 PMSure, I post about my pain and you boys turn it into a discussion of adult beverages.
Here's my beer face.
There's always a cask at Sonora and always something tasty... hey it's 5:00 and happy hour has an hour to run.
Kids we're eating out!
Posted by: Anonymous Mike at November 15, 2006 05:09 PMWhadja expect? We're men. Asking us to respond appropriately is like asking a penguin to play the xylophone. But if you subscribe to our favored way of dealing with such situations--crawling inside a bottle--we'd be happy to take you out. I might even be able to muster one of these: "And how did that make you feel?"
Seriously, though -- while I don't think the jig is up by any stretch, if you just need to have some fun and get your mind off your troubles, that's something we boys can do.
Posted by: Special Agent Johnny Utah at November 15, 2006 05:12 PMJust remember dear Vox we'd rather have a bottle in front of us than a frontal lobotomy. Nothing wrong with a good mug of cask ale, unless that is how you start your day and never climb out.
Besides I thought our point was after the inital issue address is keep you entertained.
Posted by: Thomas at November 16, 2006 10:52 AMCan't help but think that Vox has moved to the acceptance (joyful release) stage where she is saying, "Now that I am free, I wonder what George Clooney, Bruce Wayne or SAJU are doing this weekend?!"
Posted by: Woods at November 16, 2006 12:25 PMNope, not even close to that stage.
In the dialog stage
Posted by: Vox at November 16, 2006 12:29 PMAll the very best to you, Vox!
Posted by: Woods at November 16, 2006 12:46 PMSo you're talking? That's progress.
Posted by: Special Agent Johnny Utah at November 16, 2006 04:42 PMYa know what Vox? I think I need to lend you that present you got me last year.
http://www.bkennelly.com/vox/archives/002205.html
After all, it's the kind of gift that keeps on giving.
Posted by: Lori at November 21, 2006 09:37 PMJust say yes to re-gifting! Yummy
Posted by: Vox at November 22, 2006 09:07 AM