Vox

maybe you should wear a shirt that has something written on the back like "married, don't even try"

lol

I still remember a little bit of my sign language - I could try going that route.

No, not that sign language.

Just sort of an "I can't hear you - la la la la la", but nicer.

OK - All of us have single friends that are eager to meet the right mate. I often hear complaints from both men and women over drinks that other gender is too timid in their strides to initiate contact. Take players with too many notches on their bedpost out of the discussion, what is the proper way for a guy or lady to approach a stranger of interest to introduce themselves?

I am married to a great woman I met through friends but not everyone gets that lucky. If work is off limits and online matches are skewed toward the women, how is a man to meet his partner?

Vox, an inexpensive (comfortable) ring from Target displayed on the right finger (no, not the middle one), will probably keep the unwanted advances from happening.

I really am not against using the gym as a meeting place, it's casual and you have at least one thing in common. However, you should pick a more appropriate time to approach someone (not while they are smacking a ball around) and perhaps aim for someone who has given you an opening. Generally, someone who is open to approach will make eye contact or, at the very least, be looking up (not keeping to themsleves).

That said, timid is not a word I would apply to the men I've run across. Maybe I'm hanging out in the wrong neighborhood ;-)

Before I met the missus I was on a sn't working out- not badly, but no chemistry. We were getting ready to leave a place and she went in to use the facilities. As I waiting outside, a woman- cute, but not gorgeous, but with that special sparkle- came up to me and was commenting on my facial features-

I was really eating it up and I was about 10 seconds from saying I have a date right now but could I have your number when my date came back and the woman said "I wasn't hitting on your date"

Yeah right

I thought it was very professionally done- she had a great opening in a cold call situation, made me feel very good about myself... and if I said no then she could always smile and fall back on it was just a compliment.

Btw- most guys in your typical gym or Friday night club/bar are generally looking for one thing (IMHO)... if they hit on you tell them to meet you the next day at either your gun club Akido dojo- but that's a story for another time

Mike

Try wearing a "Lilith Fair" t-shirt, black velour wristbands, and canvas high-tops. Then you'll only have three to five percent of the gym interested (depending on whose surveys you believe).

P.S. I don't mean to make fun. I know from personal experience that devastating good looks can be both a blessing and a curse. I want women to like me for ME, damn it!

Now that I think of it, maybe it is a level of beauty issue.

When I used to go out a lot with my friend JJ, men would talk to me all the time - but only as a way to get to her. She is one of those serious head turner types, drop dead gorgeous. I think they were intimidated by her because she is so beautiful, no one would ever be intimidated to talk to me. Get to know the friend and you have an in, I guess. As the friend I can tell you it gets old, but she usually was vehemently uninterested, so I guess they were right to avoid her.

Maybe your friends are just too pretty to approach.

First, don't sell yourself short -- if you're attracting attention at the gym and coming out of the Quicki Mart, there's no reason you shouldn't be attracting attention when you're out with friends, too -- even "drop dead gorgeous" ones. (You should hear what "Edward" says about you; and he's never even met you!) But let's assume for the sake of argument that those guys are only interested in JJ. They might, as you say, be talking to you because they're intimidated. But there might also be a bit of guy strategy at work. A drop-dead gorgeous girl is used to having men fall all over her; she's used to guys being interested in her at first sight. What she is not used to is guys NOT being interested in her. So, some guys will try to play that card, "If I look like I'm interested in the friend rather than the one who looks like a movie star, the one who looks like a movie star will think there's something different about me...that I'm not like the 20 other guys she met today who fell instantly under her thrall. And maybe that will perk up her interest a bit." It's a way of attempting to demonstrate desirability.

Now, the movie star-looking chicks have seen THIS ploy a hundred times, too, so they're unlikely to fall for it. But a guy's gotta try...

Yeah, she never fell for it - but she didn't often go for the direct approach, either. Now, men who seemed completely uninterested in her she was totally taken by. The more arrogant and stand-offish the better. There's a lesson for you guys looking to hook up with a serious babe.

She and I used to work together, and even the guys at work couldn't bring themselves to talk to her. They would chat me up all the time, but it was always building to the inevitable, "So what's the deal with JJ? Is she seeing anyone? Do you think she might be interested in me?" I usually just said, "Gee, Biff, do you want me to pass her a note in English class and see? " Very few of them seemed to get the reference.