Vox

Just Ditzy

I got the scoop, such as it is, on why my friend neglected to mention her upcoming wedding. I'm glad I didn't go all medieval on her - but I do think she is a ninny. Especially since I had to get this from a third party, Tink.

Turns out she married someone I dated once (or twice) eons ago. I think we had lunch once, I know he took me out on his boat and we sailed around San Francisco Bay. It was sweet, we watched the sunset and might have held hands. The one thing I definitely remember is that we discussed the fact that I had just left my husband (who was is a pilot) and this guy was a flight surgeon (which means he was a doctor to the pilots) which might be a bit awkward. So that was it. Didn't end badly, didn't have any regrets. I think I ran into him a few months later at a coffee shop and it was just a "hey, how ya' doin'?" moment. If I saw him in a coffee shop today I doubt I would recognize him. All I remember is he had very short hair - duh, Air Force - and great teeth. Hardly a complete picture.

To put it in further perspective - when Tink told me his name, she did it in the, "well, she married John Doe" sort of way, as if I should instantly get it. Problem was, I didn't even recognize the name. At all. Nothing.

So, she reminded me who he was and my response was, "So?" Geez, two freakin' dates - this was not a big love affair with broken hearts and broken dishes.

But I see how it got so out of hand.

First, she ran into him and agreed to go to dinner. She wasn't sure how to tell me and figured it was just one dinner so it probably didn't matter. Figured she'd tell me after and we'd have a good laugh. Then they went out again. and again. And she was fretting about how to tell me. And the longer it went on the harder it seemed, till she had waited so long it seemed impossible. Then the proposal..and the wedding plans..and not including me was stressing her out. But she couldn't figure out how to tell me, "By the way, I've been seeing X X X for almost a year now. Sorry I didn't tell you. Hey, you wanna be in the wedding?" So she didn't.

Apparently he kept telling her it was a non-issue and that he was sure if she just told me everything would be fine. He was right, she was wrong. Had she told me he had asked her out right away (and reminded me who he was) I would have said, "Great, he seemed like a really nice guy. Say Hi for me" But, no - she had to be a ninny. It is funny the problems we create for ourselves in life.

Anyway, this is still all third party, can't get a hold of her directly. I think she is still afraid to face me - so I am sending her a letter to tell her it is not only OK with me, but that I am thrilled for her. Maybe I can get her back in my life.

Yes, I can see how this spiraled out of control. It is the same when you want to call someone or send a thank you note but you put it off.... and put it off ... and... till it has been so long it seems like it would be worse to send it than to not send it. This is why Lori didn't get a thank you note for her fabulous Halloween party - I am the queen of procrastination. So I am a ninny, too - just not as big a one as my newly married friend

Posted by Vox at December 11, 2004 01:01 PM | general